...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
