I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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