I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
