Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
