We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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