my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
