Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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