My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize