You're so nebulous sometimes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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