I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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