So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
