I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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