none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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