i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
