i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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