i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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