a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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