At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
