my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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