im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
