1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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