1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
