Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
