Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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