He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
