I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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