I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
