Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
