A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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