The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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