I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
