Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
