I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
