Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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