I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
