Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
