You're completely useless in the revolution.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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