ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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