I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
