this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize