Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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