its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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