I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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