why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
