Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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