Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
