you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
