My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
