look no pants
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
