Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
