Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize