I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
