i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
