The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
