We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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