first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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