I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
