I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
