susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize