just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
