I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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