when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
