I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
