Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
