i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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