Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
