Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
