i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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