you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
