you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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