i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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