a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
