p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
