watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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