Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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