twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love having hate sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
