one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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