It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I pour the whiskey from now on
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
