hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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