ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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