he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
