I just saw a hot homeless man
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize