when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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