I'm really into asian looking animals
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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