I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
