whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
MIDGETS
????
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
