watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
