nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
