My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize