Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you made out with another girl for some wings
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
