if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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