I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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