She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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